I Changed My Mind–I’m Calling My Band “Construction Paper Cream Puffs” or Maybe the Seasonally-Appealing “Caroling Crumpets” or the Extremely Giftable “Framed Photos of Friends and Family” or Perhaps I’ll Simply Go Girly with “Prettily Pregnant Petunias”

December 22, 2009

For Monday, December 21, 2009

Oh, those wacky Californians! I collect weekly entertainment magazines from cities I visit and recently picked up a copy of LA Weekly for December 18-24, 2009. I read the restaurant reviews looking for odd-to-me-ities, then the movie news and articles that pique my interest, and then I take a highlighter and begin the hunt for great band names. There are oh, so many wonderful ones in this issue.

I will share a tiny portion of them. I’m not doing this for you. Nope! I can write them down or I can word process them, putting them into some kind of order as I do. I’m hoping you’ll be amused by the found wonderfulness that makes a kind of poetic sense to me. This grouping activity is definitely a neurobics exercise, keeping my brain busy when I can’t—or don’t want to—work on something more serious:

1. Listen Children

The Corner Laughers
The Daffys
The Pea Brains
The Damned

The Pity Party

Part Time Punks
Clowns & Fetuses
Son of the Velvet Rat
60 Watt Kid

Sweet & Tender Hooligans

No Babies
Tomorrow’s Bad Seeds
Righteous Trash
Against Me

The Enemy

2. Mere Mortals

Andy Clockwise
Helen Stellar
Fatso Jetson
Honest John Plain
Brain Dead Philosopher
Sister Crayon

Leopold & His Fiction

The John Heard
The Scientist’s Bride
The Fifth Story Tenants
The Senors of Marseille
The Lonely Drunks Club
The Mad Alsatians

Scottish Irishmen

Mad Gregs
Adam & Evil
Flogging Molly
Boxing Gandhis
Raining Jane
Vains of Jenna

Living Things

Sleep Cyclops Sleep

3. The Deadly Syndrome

Prior to the Massacre
Toys That Kill
The Buckingham Toy Soldiers Band
They March from Athens
Roll the Tanks
Savage Republic

Very Be Careful
Silent Civilian

Fear, Bullets & Octane
Stab City
Darling Stilettos
Semi Precious Weapons
Infected Mushroom
Who Shot the Gardener?

Die with Purity
My Eternal Ending

Frightened Not
Within the Casket
A Pretty Mess
The Season of the Nightmares
My Dying Regrets
And All Was Lost

The Funeral Party
Black Veil Brides

All Wrong and the Plans Change

Other faves from this issue: Bipolar Bear, My Pet Saddle, Fishtank Ensemble, Snowsuit, Jail Weddings, Broken Ornaments & Bricks, Healamonsters, Three Inches from Earth, Blue Tape Red Tape, No Bragging Rights, One Block Radius, Chad Smith & the Bombastic Meathats, Sleepwalkers Local, Lowlight Situations, Bowling for Soup, Kingsizemaybe, Relax to Paris, and Insects vs. Robots.

For a long list of odd band names (warning, many are R rated) check out http://digitaldreamdoor.nutsie.com/pages/quotes/funnyband.html. A sampling: Crispy Ambulance, Elegant Doormats, Hamster Sandwich. Hollow Chocolate Bunnies of Death, If Pigs Could Talk Would You Still Eat Them, Mermaids in the Basement, My Friend the Chocolate Cake, Naugahyde Chihuahuas, and Our Manager Told Us Our Band Name Was Too Long and Difficult to Remember and that We Had to Change It So After a Long Brainstorming Session We Came Up With This One Because All the Other Ones Sucked. What are you going to call your band?

Rod Stewart, Elton John and I were going to form a band called Hair, Nose and Teeth after the three of us. But it hasn’t happened because none of us can agree on the order of the words.
•Freddie Mercury


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