“Ladies and Gentlemen: Them Crooked Vultures.” Ashton Kutcher Introduces a Band on Saturday Night Live and Since I Am Unfamiliar with This Kind of Cool, I Will Instead Discuss More Band Names I Love

February 15, 2010

I’m not too fond of the band, but I always thought Gatsby’s American Dream was an awesome name. :3 I loved that book.
• lokita

I’ve been watching Saturday Night Live since its inception. I remember the first night I saw it, coming across the show accidentally while channel surfing without a remote—much more challenging then, twisting that knob back and forth. Bands come and go and once in a while they play on SNL. I like what I like, so I won’t comment on the TCV, particularly not given the small sampling I heard.

But enough of the SNL commentary. I still have pile o’ band names I haven’t used from last month’s visit to Portland. So I shall amuse myself, and perhaps you as well, with more band names I love from the pages of Willamette Week:

I envision a battle of the bands. Good versus evil played out on the stage with guitars and drums and keyboards. God Forbid would be the judge. On one side, the Starry Saints, Faithless Saints, Hard Money Saints, Defending the Caveman, and The Decency. On the other, Wild Beasts, Pagan Jug Band, Hell’s Belles, Doom Patrol, and Sin on Heals.

The loser is doomed to Tragic Ends from the Five Finger Death Punch and banished to the Deep Dark Woods to live for Ages and Ages, Stuck Runnin’ and Blinded in Chains in A Blinding Silence after being Painted Grey. The winner? That band basks in Dark Tranquility, enjoying 48 Thrills along with some Sonic Jelly & Jam and Happy Prescriptions under a Cloud of Suns as they Think About Life and go Bargain Hunting for a Punk Bunny with Blue Horns after a bit of kindness from The Hugs.

Or perhaps there will just be a small battle between I Can Lick Any SOB in the House and Bill Skins Fifth Will Punch You Right in the Face.

Life is grand in a world full of band names.

Www.buzzfeed.com suggests that you find the name of your band by going to Wikipedia®, hitting random, and taking your name from the first article you get. I give it a try and would thus be Carneddau, naming my band for a group of mountains in Snowdonia, Wales.

With a bit of creative punctuation, spacing, and capitalization, I get Carne d’ Dau. I look up dau and discover that among other things http://www.onlinedictionary.com notes that DAU is an acronym for the “stupidest imaginable user” in German (D’ummster Anzunehmender)—or a person who might cause something like a nuclear meltdown. So there it is, my band name: Carne d’ Dau or Meat of an Idiot. Perfecto. How delightful what a little time wastery can accomplish.

Find a band name in your favorite magazine. Open the pages at random. Shut your eyes and point at a word. Choose four or five this way and see what you can do with them. I got Drowsy Bedtime Monster Engage World. Or Drowsy Monster. Or Monster Engage World. Or World Bedtime. Or. . . . .

Naugahyde Windpipe and Oedipus and the Mama’s Boys.
• Band names suggested in the movie
PCU (1994)


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