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More Band Names Found Without Even Leaving the Valley I Live In! My Excitement Knows No Bounds As I Peruse a Long Lost Newspaper and Find Tainted Love, Broken Social Scene, and Wasted Days.

May 11, 2010

I have fallen in love with American names, the sharp, gaunt names that never get fat.
• Stephen Vincent Benet

I am easily amused. I have said so before and I do not lie. At least not about this. Please do not ask me if I like your new purple paisley ascot or if that dress with a gigantic ruffle around your midsection makes your you-know-what look big. No. And yes. That is the truth and that is what I will be thinking, but it is not necessarily what I will say. I am likely to admire your choices. Who am I to rain on someone else’s paisley or ruffly parade?

I am truly delighted to find the pink newspaper—the Datebook Pink Section of the San Francisco Chronicle from March 7, 2004—that I’ve saved as part of my band name Collectory project. Many such savings have been lost to household moves and origami projects. (If you’re practicing origami folds, I highly recommend newspaper—it’s big and it’s cheap and it folds easily. A double sheet makes hats that fit children AND adults!) Of course, I can search the internet and find band names, but that’s too easy, although coming across names like Me First and the Gimmeegimmees does make these searches tempting.

I am intrigued by what I find. How did Curse of the Birthmark get its name? Soft Pink Truth is appealing and Rubberside Down’s amusing. Tristan Prettyman sounds like someone who’d date Barbie. As a robot collector, I find The Secret Machine, Head Automatica, and Ima Robot particularly entrancing.

Various artists have their sidekicks in The Pink and I write down a few: The Fly-Rite Boys, The Saddle-Ites, The Bad-Ass Chicken Bones, The Pimp Jones Luv Orchestra, The Voom. And I wonder, what would I be? Nancy and the Drews? Pearl and the Onions? Lolly and the Pops? Zinn and the FanDells?

This is hard. I can’t settle on anything I love and I wonder if that’s what happens to most bands: deciding on names by default when they get tired of trying to think up the ultimate cleverness.

What would your playalong, singalong posse be named?

Frantic Yogurt.
• Band name on a poster in the movie
Kick-Ass (2010).

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