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Daddy! There’s A Dead Rat In The Sink!!!!!!

June 12, 2010

For Sunday, June 13, 2010, when I’ll be on the train

I was never unusually squeamish. I could eat a fried rat with a good relish, if it was necessary. • Henry David Thoreau

Sorry, Hank. I am squeamish and my husband knows it. I love gross stuff, but not to nosh on and not around my food. You may remember a recent rant where I discussed the rudeness of those who share surgical shenanigans and accident hijinks within earshot while I’m trying to eat. They need to hush their mouths.

I was in the middle of my Eggs Benedict Florentine when my husband said to remind him to tell me something. We do this to each other quite often, trying to foist off the responsibility for remembering things so that if something important is forgotten, we can share the blame with a no-longer-innocent bystander.

I didn’t remember to ask when we finished our brunch and left the restaurant, but he did and told me what the little boy said to his father who was working behind the bar: “Daddy! There’s a dead rat in the sink!!!!!!” I’m glad I didn’t know about it while I was enjoying my spinach and eggs.

I am not fond of rats. Nor do I like mice. Rodents are not on my love list, although I do like Mickey Mouse even though Robin Williams reminds us that to a little kid, he’s a giant rat. Just knowing that the dead rat was somewhere nearby would have ended my meal; I’m glad I didn’t know.

I can’t stand a hair in my mouth. Just seeing one in my food is enough to make me dump the entire plate, even if it’s a great big cream puff or a freshly-stuffed chile relleno. What turns you off when you’re eating?

You can’t be friends with a squirrel. A squirrel is just a rat with a cuter coat! • Sarah Jessica Parker

The grossest thing I ever found in my food when I was eating out was a large red fake fingernail in the whipped cream of my mud pie at a Claim Jumper Restaurant in Southern California. They didn’t apologize or offer me another slice. In fact, the server acted like it wasn’t a big deal and I heard several of them laughing about it as we left. • W-OZ


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