Foodish Thoughts From The Road: Do Not Be Tempted By The Deep-Fried Twinkies®!

July 23, 2010

For July 17, 2010

Health food may be good for the conscience, but Oreos taste a heck of a lot better. • Robert Redford

I have sacrificed myself on the altar of bad taste and sampled a deep-fried Twinkie® so that you do not have to. This makes me both saint and sinner.

My desires are generally modest. I hunt for rubber alligators, globes, robots, masks, and other affordable art and artifacts. Sometimes my goals are even more modest. During my latest visit to Sin City, I set my heart not on ogling the dancers in topless reviews or plugging my pennies into slot machines or admiring the latest Soleil incarnation, but on sampling the ultimate in junk food: a deep-fried Twinkie®. I am a cheap date. Ninety-nine cents and I was delighted.

Until I took a bite.

The crème-filled spongecake on a stick is dipped in funnel cake batter and fried in hot oil. Then it’s topped with powdered sugar and chocolate jimmies. It is execrable. Seriously. This doesn’t even sound good, does it? I’ve seen people on the Travel Channel and the TV Food Network rhapsodize about this so-called treat. I fail to understand why.

The best part of the crusty concoction—the crème—is gone, melted and absorbed into the surrounding cake. This does not help the flavor of the cake. The whole mess becomes tooth-achingly sweet. I took one bite from the inside (I already know what funnel cake crusty stuff tastes like) and threw the rest into the trash where it belonged.

Don’t do it. Pass up the deep-fried Twinkies®. I suspect you’d be wise to forgo the similarly-prepared Oreos® as well. My self-sacrifice did not extend that far.

What have you eaten that proved to be a disappointment?

For my college students, I do have your breakfast available: Snickers and Mt. Dew. And for the Breakfast of Champions, I have cold beer.• Amtrak lounge car breakfast announcement, 8 :03 a.m. Monday, June 14, 2010


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